Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
