Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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