There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
