YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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