I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
