my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he thought i was a dude.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
