i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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