My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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