your parents love me but you hate me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize