So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
