I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
