Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
