So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
