he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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