I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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