3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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