I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
