You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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