There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
