Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
