I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize