Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
