oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize