This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize