I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
