A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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