We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
