My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
