What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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