how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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