My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
