sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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