home. puking in laundry basket.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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