fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
