I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
