your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
