I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
