I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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