Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
