2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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