There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
