"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
