But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
