So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
