you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
