It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
