You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
