She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
