I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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