I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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