i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
