she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
