I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
