"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize