It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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