you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
