if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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