i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
