NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
