Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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