He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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