12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
