you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
