she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
