I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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