The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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