I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
well you can't waste a boner
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
