am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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