i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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