Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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