Someone shit on the floor
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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